A Symbolic Dark Corner (it’s more than it seems)
Disclosure: This post may contain “affiliate links,” meaning I get a tiny commission if you decide to make a purchase through my links, at no cost to you. (It helps pay for the cost of running a website, which is more than it used to be. Thanks!)
This is a continuation of the Dark Corner series about things we know we should do. But… just… don’t.
I was delighted that the personal example I shared helped and encouraged readers. So, today I’ll give another personal example, but the power of this example is it shines a light on something I call the Symbolic Dark Corner.
For the sugar example, it didn’t really represent anything deeper (for me). I needed to cut added sugar from my diet for health reasons. I cut it. Health improving!
Although there are deeper implications and reasons for NOT doing it all these years, it’s kind of what-you-see-is-what-you-get. It appears to be about sugar. And it actually is about sugar.
That’s not the case for today’s example:
Deleting draft posts from this very website.
Background
Almost 20 years ago, I started a different website all about learning Mandarin without a formal class. That writing style and content was optioned by a publisher and became the book Chinese 24/7.
That website has been merged into this one, but now I’m writing about self-leadership (while still living in China) and communication in general. So the pile of draft posts about linguistics and Chinese language learning needed to be deleted.
But I just… haven’t… ever been able to bring myself to do it. It’s a Dark Corner. But a weird one.
My process for dealing with Dark Corners (explained in more detail here) is:
Compare benefits (apples-to-apples)
Delete “would be nice” draft plans
Assemble your team
Identify what you’re waiting for (no really, what is it?)
What’s funny is that it’s basically a really big Step 2 of actual drafts.
For this one, I’m going to work backwards and tell you the end of the story first.
The Ending
I had 90(!) draft posts and I deleted almost all of them (I saved 7). They fell into the following categories and reasons for deletion:
Categories
Irrelevant now (not special or important anymore) = 42 (47%)
Impossible now (either broken link or I forgot) = 22 (24%)
Still a good idea, but doesn’t fit my current direction = 19 (21%)
Still a good idea, and I might do it someday = 7 (8%)
So that was amazing. About half would have been a good idea at the time, but are just not special anymore. For example,
Different computer generated voices that speak Mandarin (phones already have this)
Converting a bunch of Hanzi to pinyin (ChatGPT is way better than the old tool I was using)
My blog getting a top language learning resource award on some list 10 years ago
New internet slang (from years ago)
etc.
Then 1/4 were totally impossible now. Even if I wanted to write about them I was either linking to something that no longer exists (“Here’s a review of xxx resource”) or I can’t for the life of me remember what in the world I was talking about!
21% of the posts I smiled and thought, “Yeah. That would have been good. But just doesn’t fit any more.” A few times they were jokes that I no longer thought were funny.
Only 7 (8%) are post ideas that are still good, still relevant (with slight tweaks), and are still possible. Sweeping out the dark corner wasn’t only junk and dust bunnies. There were two little gold coins. And I’ll probably write about them! What are they, you ask? Sorry. Can’t say (you know why).
Bonus Tasks
I gave myself 2 extra jobs while working through those 90 drafts. The first one you already know about:
Categorize and count which ones I’m keeping/deleting
Track emotions (How am I feeling at each point in the process?)
Before I share the emotional map, I want to say it was great to have bonus “research tasks.” Not only was it somewhat distracting, but it gave me a “sure fire win” at the end. No matter what I found, I would end up with some interesting data about myself and the drafts.
Emotional Map
As I went through the drafts, I had a whole range of emotions. Here’s the key detail: because of the way the technology works, I didn’t actually know how many draft posts there were. I knew it was more than 20, but I could only see the first 20. Maybe there were only 21…?
At first, honestly, it was drudgery. I really did not enjoy it. But I enjoyed that SOMETHING was happening.
When I clicked Next Page and saw “Oh! It’s not 21, it’s actually over 40.” I started feeling worse. But I was impressed that I didn’t consider giving up. Something about having started, I knew I’d finish.
About the 30th item I started laughing at some of the ideas (wow, was I young and foolish)
There were a few surprisingly good ideas. Two. But still that was really amazing to see.
In the 50s: “How deep does this well go?!” (not feeling good, but sort of curious)
In the 60s: “I’m really moving fast now!” (filter got more liberal to delete posts)
In the 80s: “I can’t go on forever. We’ve got to be nearing the end. I’m excited that it’s got to be less than 100 so I’m getting close!”
Done: “I have 10 keepers? That’s still too many. I’m going through those 10 to delete more.”
Really Done: “I feel good about 7 and REALLY good that I’ve faced this. And also sad.”
Compare Benefits (Apples-to-apples)
What were the benefits of NOT dealing with these draft posts all these years (some over 10 years old!)? This is an easy one to summarize, but I want to emphasize that it was a tough one to figure out and eventually face.
Grief.
I didn’t want to go through the grieving process of saying goodbye to the old version of:
My website
My writing style
My direction
My view of myself as expert
It’s really that last one that hits hardest.
When I was mostly writing about learning Mandarin, I was one of the few bloggers writing in this style (chatty and sympathetic). I was an expert in my little niche. Whether I face it or not, I’m not anymore. There are lots of really great resources for learning Mandarin sitting right there on everyone’s smart phone.
They don’t… need… me.
That’s a sad thought.
But it’s true, and powerful enough to stop me from dealing with these draft posts all these years.
This is what I call the “Symbolic Dark Corner.” To face this Dark Corner is to face something deeper and symbolic in my life that I’m happier (in the short term) just not facing. The Corner symbolizes a past version of myself and my place in the blogosphere that is gone.
It would have been fine to leave those drafts there. They’re not costing anyone anything.
Then Why Deal with This Dark Corner?
While it’s true these virtual drafts weren’t costing money, space, or time. There was still an emotional cost to their existence. I knew they were there. I would see them (some of them) when I logged in to my website.
They were a painful reminder of something past that I’m not letting go of. For all the reasons people don’t want to face grief, I didn’t want to face this.
And the cost of that was: depriving myself of emotional healing.
I’ve been walking around with an emotional limp, no matter how slight it is. The benefit to allowing myself to grieve is it allows healing to happen. By truly letting go of this previous version of myself, I can be more fully present and empowered to do my current job.
Life is moving forward, and so am I. So I need to throw off anything that hinders or encumbers progress. No matter how small it may seem, it may have large symbolic value.
Result
There are several levels to the result.
On the practical level, I no longer see a pile of draft posts on my website control panel. That’s nice, but probably the least important.
On an emotional level, I feel good that (a) I dealt with the Dark Corner, but more importantly b) I can really, REALLY start to move on. I’m feeling lighter and more free. I’m feeling less guilty that there are drafts I “should” either write into real posts or delete.
On a practical level again, the 7 drafts that I saved are real candidates for future articles. I had no idea they were there. Instead of “losing” 83 drafts (which I couldn’t remember), I actually feel I “gained” 7 pretty good ideas.
Transferability of this learning
Regardless of what the readers of this article are taking away (which I’d love to hear about, by the way!), I’m taking away a very simple lesson:
Dark Corners are worth dealing with regardless of how “insignificant” they feel.
This is probably the smallest of all my Dark Corners, and it was actually profoundly meaningful for me to sweep it. I learned something about myself that was both scary and energizing.
I’m building “success muscle” by practicing on small(ish) Dark Corners, so when I need to face a really scary one I’ll have more than zero positive experience to recall.
What’s your smallest Dark Corner? Could it be symbolic of something bigger?
There’s only one way to find out: face it.
If you’d like to stay in touch and receive the latest posts in your inbox, feel free to subscribe here!
